I don’t have a title for this post. I don’t have anything particular to write. For the past few days, I’ve been going through the motions. I’ve been moving, floating, breathing.. finding ways to live on in a stormy life. What does it really mean to live a life of faith? I wonder how easy or how hard it was for Abraham to cling on to God’s promise of blessing his offspring? I remember, after reading the book about 10 extraordinary women in the Bible by John MacArthur, majority of them lived by placing their faith in an extraordinary God. The fact is their will wasn’t the extraordinary, but rather it was in the Lord that made their faith extraordinary.
I’m trying not to build my walls around my heart and hide in a hole after being faced with the reality of my problems. I have a tendency to do that.. keeping a strong front with people, smiling, laughing. Concealing what my heart is really feeling.. I’d rather have a weakened heart and humble soul to offer to Christ, for Him to make me whole. I don’t want to hide anymore. Honestly, it gets tiring trying to fight your own battle. As I move along life, I can’t help but think of someone during random times of my day. I’m glad that majority of them are memories that make me smile, making me look like a crazy fool in the middle of the crowd. My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. Very, very weak. It is His grace I cling to for dear life. His love is the light to my day. Who God is, pushes me to see brighter. He has been faithful when I think He isn’t. I believe God works best when He proves us wrong and He goes way beyond our expectations of Him, of ourselves, in other people, and the other things. It is comforting to know that I can confidently bring His promises close to my heart because He has never broken one of them. Majority of the time, God doesn’t reveal His answers according to my timeline. He surprises me.. sometimes, I can accept it and sometimes, I don’t. Not initially.. however, as I look back at my life, I understand why.
So, the same will go for me now. I don’t understand most of the things in my life right now but I will someday. I would like to look back the way I did in the past and confidently say I have a King who loves me and He does even through this hurricane. I’m going back to my first Love, Jesus Christ my Savior, my Lover, my King, my Friend, my Lord, and my God.
But I’ll look back as well smiling at the things that have passed from me. Hopefully, some of them will make a u-turn or I’ll meet them at a stop sign. For now, I’ll keep on driving towards the horizon.