My idea was two people pouring themselves into each other, working hard to make the other feel loved, needed, appreciated etc… I realized that this view of marriage put the emphasis on the wrong thing, on the people involved. The point of this type of marriage is to bring pleasure and fulfillment to the people who are taking part in it.
As a Christian, as someone who is seeking to love God with all their heart, our purpose in life is to further God’s kingdom, to bring His desires to pass, not our own. (Matthew 6:10, 33) Nothing we do should be done for our sake, but out of obedience to God. (John 15:4, 10) God’s view of marriage was vastly different than mine. While I had envisioned two people working to please each other, God showed me that His idea was two people working together to please God. God did not make Eve to make Adam feel good about himself or loved or wanted, God made Eve because Adam was better off with her than without her. God showed me that the best way for me to love someone is to love God first and foremost, and to love that person as an outpouring of my love for God. Having my eyes focused on God and living to please Him will lead me to obeying His command to love. (1 John 5:1-3, John 15:9-12)
Loving my husband would thus be an outpouring of my love for God; my love for God always coming first. It does not take away from the love (living 1 Corinthians 13) that I would give my husband by loving him out of a love for God, but rather adds to it. My love would be a godly love, directed by God’s Spirit rather than a love that I would work at in my own strength. Suddenly it started to make some sense to me. I envisioned two people, both fixing their eyes on God and living to give Him glory, working better together than alone.
Yes, God in His sovereign power could decide to make a person who could serve Him best alone. This person might be able to do things a married person could not, and would be better off without a mate. However, just as easily, God could make two people who could serve Him best if they were together. Together they would be able to pray towards the same end, work the same mission, encourage each other to keep pressing on, raise godly children for the glory of God. Their purpose in life would be the same as that of a single Christian, to obey God, only they would be working at it together. They could be ministry partners, obedience to the Lord partners, faith partners, helping each other along, and thus better than either would have been alone. (Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10)
When I saw this, I was very excited! Yes, someone can love God with all their heart and be married! But, not if marriage is what I had originally thought; the purpose of marriage had to change in my mind first, for this to be true. Putting all these thoughts together, I realized that two things which had seemed separate actually brought me to a glorious conclusion. If my job in life was to obey God, and marriage was doing that same thing with a partner, and God knew what He wanted me to do to bring His plans about, then I only had one reason ever to marry. Out of obedience to His direction. Now I was free from my concern of “how will I know if I am getting a lemon or not?” I did not have to concern myself with it at all. I needed only to concern myself with obeying Jesus Christ, and if the time comes for me to marry, He can say, “That is the one, now is the time,” to us both, and we only need to obey. God knows all things, and He has a plan for my life. I need to obey Him so that His kingdom will come.
No, I am not giving my heart to any young man that may come after it, but I am not saving it for my husband either. I am giving it all to God, because it is with Him that my heart belongs.
— Emily Hipps
She took the words out of my mouth. I want Christ, so deep that they need to search Him before they may find me. Christ is beautiful, so beautiful.